Saturday, May 20, 2006

Manly Chest Update #2

Yesterday, because I was bored, I went for another session in the swimming poool. It was not as long (around 45 minutes, compared to an hour), but I did more swimming, if that makes sense. It was a lot easier this time. Maybe because my body was prepared for it, maybe because the pool was practically empty, maybe because of something else.

Or, should that be, someone else.

She was on lifeguard duty, and she had mousey brown hair tied into a ponytail. First thought was that she had really nice thighs. Not the usual thing i notice about a girl, but she did. That's not saying the rest of her was minging, it wasn't, she was a very attractive girl.

So, plan of action, what to do about it. I mean, she was looking at me (because I was the only person in the pool at the time, but that's beside the point)

The first was to deliberately get into trouble, so that she'd dive in and give me mouth to mouth. Hell, I managed to skive off school with a "headache", because I couldn't be arsed (hell, not the only thing I've managed to avoid doing by saying I had a headache. She wasn't happy), and I've watched enough WWE and TNA to know how to pretend to be in more danger than I actually am, how hard can it be? The problem with this that there was two life guards. The other was 50's, male, and had a goatee. I know it's a 50% chance she'd jump in to rescue me, but goatee guy was guarding the deep end, and there aint no way I'm drowning in 0.6m of water, I'm too proud.

The second way was the inbetween way: pretend to struggle, and hopefully she'd come over and offer me some tips. It'd be a teacher-student relationship to begin with, then blossom into something beautiful, and I'd teach her something, like....ooooh I don't know....long division or something. We'd have a perfectly normal symbiotic relationship, like Venom and Spiderman*.

Instead, I took the alpha male approach, and to try and impress her with swimming lengths. Lengths and lengths and lengths. All of a sudden, swimming went, well...swimmingly. I could be in London 2012 at this rate, as with her in my line of vision I could swim all day. My mind began thinking of the future. What would happen if I plucked up the courage and asked perfect thighs girl out for a date, or how I would blog it if I didn't.

Guess what happened?

To be fair, I didn't really get an opportunity, she left her post when I was the other side of the swimming pool, and dissappeared.

She did say one thing to me though, after I swam 10 meters in the breaststroke, 10 meters in the backstroke and 5 meters front crawl. I then backflipped out of the pool and landed on my feet. Unfortunately, my shorts got caught on the exit of the pool, and tore off. She stood there, and said "wow, what an impressive length!".**

Sorry, I'm allowed one dirty joke a post, and I though the "she can teach me the breaststroke!" joke was too predictible.

* Wait until Spiderman 3 if you don't get what this means.

** Lie

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