Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Orgy Borgy

This post - unsuprisingly due to the title - is of a sexual nature. So if you're offended by that, or the thought of me naked surrounded by a number of beautiful women, please skip this post.

Yesterday - during the first day of the busy period in the Zoo: Officially the chavviest tourist attraction in the world - I recieved a text message from Guy:

"If you were to have an orgy with you and five other people, who would they be?"

And, boy, has it been bugging me.

You see, it starts off fairly easy, as I know who 4 of them would be.

1. Lucy Pinder.

2. Amy Lee.

3. Anna Paquin (Rogue from X-Men).

4. Kelly Brook.

And then I seemed to get a bit stuck. Some of you may be similar, there's a list of about 20, possibly 30 girls who could fill the last place. But to pick one, is a bit of a pickle. It'd be like picking a standout British XI in football (the results you can see to the left: sorry to all you Scots and Irish, but your teams are shit!). I put up two different choices (Kelly Brook wasn't in the starting 5, but has made it in due to a late burst of form) on the tenpin bowling messageboard, but I felt dirty because I rushed the choices. They were both troublesome picks, and I wasn't happy with them. I asked for assistance from my workmates, who posed 3 important questions:

1. This is more for the men: would you have another man there? I mean, you wouldn't have to touch him in any way, shape or form (maybe a manly congratulately smack on the back for....job well done). Sure, the con is one less lovely lady, but the pro is a shared....workload. Would you sacrifice a lady for that?

2. Would you or would you not include ex's/current girlfriends. I mean, all well and good having all these attractive ladies, but supposing if one of your ex's or your current girlfriend was amazing. I mean, better the devil you know?

3. Finally, what about apres-d'orgy? I mean, Nigella Lawson would not be included in my original lineup, but maybe, maybe be included for her quality hors deuvres, or for quality bacon butties post snack? Surely the girls non bedroom skills could, and should, be taken into consideration.

With that in mind, I want you all to tell me what you think, and - more importantly - tell me your five. Vote-o!