Sunday, May 07, 2006

The GATR Guide for Pissing off The Religious Minority

Before I begin, let me just say that I'm not a bigot. I believe that anybody can believe whatever the hell they want. As long as you're nice to people and don't forcibly impose other people's beliefs, then that's okay. Therefore this post should be taken as funny, as opposed to offensive.

In Llandudno yesterday, I was approached by a man named Robert. He was about my age, and wearing a black tie, white shirt and grey trousers. All immaculately clean. He was also wearing a badge, saying "Hello! My name is Robert! I am a PROFIT for JESUS CHRIST!" (yes, those words were capitalised, and "Prophet" was spelt wrong). He seemed interested to speak to me.

"Hello! My name is Robert! I am a prophet for Jesus Christ! I want you to join me in salvation."
"Hi, yeah, umm, I'm not really that interested. Trust me."
"Are you sure? We have fun and sing to our lord."
"Ah right. Good."
"And you know orgies and beer, those things that people our age dream of?"
"Yeah?" (interest picking up)
"We denounce them. They're wicked, and not fun"
"Oh."*
"Well if I can just take your name, just so I know I've spoken to you."
"What?"
"We put these stickers on people with your name on it. So we don't speak to the same people twice. People were getting awfully angry."
"Ah right. I understand. My name's Mr. Wynne."
"Excellent, and your first name Mr. Wynne?"
"Judas."

He left after that, he didn't give me a badge in the end. Still, it's worthwhile to know that if you're hassled by a Jehova Witness/PROFIT for JESUS CHRIST! Say your name's Judas (or....I dunno....Judith for the ladies), and they seem to disperse pretty quickly.

In other news. My Auctions are finishing today! Bid High, Bid Fast, Bid Often!

* This line, and the 4 lines above, didn't exactly happen. I just made it up to be funny.

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