Wednesday, October 20, 2004

You Know You've Had Too Much To Drink When....

Walking home from a night out at 2am, I get stopped by a worker from the oldest business in the world.

"Do ya want business darlin?" She said, wearing a dress that I could use as a hankechief.
"Not really." I said, smirking (I always try to be friendly), "Been out on the lash. You know, brewers droop and all."
"Oh come on, I offer a student discount." Quite where and when I'd get my NUS card swiped, I have no idea. "For you, just £10"
"No thanks."

At this point, my head is thinking what I've gotta do to get rid of her. My one plan came into fruition: say I have a girlfriend. Brilliant! Only a complete jackass would screw it up.....

Oh dear.

"You don't know what you're missing."
"I know. I've got a girlfriend."
"How will she know?"
"I am very under the thumb, besides she's expecting me home now." I said, hoping that certain parts of my anatomy don't suddenly start growing

What? I was talking about my pinocchio-stylee nose. Perverts.

Luckily, our lady of the night friend admitted defeat: "She's a lucky woman hunnie. What's her name?"
"Errrr....Dave."

Bollocks.