Regaining Confidence in Conwy
Ever since my
"wierd heart thingy" (the official name for my Aortal Fibrulation) just over a week ago, I have spent most of my days trying to regain my confidence. It did scare the shit out of me, and since then I've been learning to walk again (figuratively), testing my body again. Yesterday was the first time I ate a takeaway since that Thursday. Today, I did something I'd swore "I'd never do again", when I left the hospital.
I had a drink.
See, slight change of plan from yesterday. We couldn't be arsed with the Llandudno show, so we're hopefully doing it tomorrow (had enough of shows for the time being). Instead, we went to the lovely walled city of Conwy. Conwy - whilst being full of inbred bastards - has amazing chip shops and pubs. So - after taking the dog for a walk around Conwy, we went into one of these pubs, in the beer garden, and I had a half.
I admit, it's not the sexiest photo of me in the world, but by god I'm proud of it. Not the fact that I'm drinking, but just because I've taken another step back into normality.
It's been hard, I promise you. Some people think I've been over-reacting and that I'm putting it on just to get some time off work. I'll be honest, if it was one of my work collagues instead of myself, I'd probably think the same way. But nothing really does prepare you for something like that. All my life I've thought I'm invincible, now I'm feeling very weak and vulnerable. I've become a hell of a lot more emotional as well: I was almost in tears during Miami Ink. Miami Ink! It's a reality program about tattooists! Not exactly Schindler's List on the emotion stakes. But something almost brought me to tears on it.
I have started looking at the world in a more "holier than thou" approach too. Well, simultaneously look up and look down on people. I notice fat (I mean morbidly obese) people walking down the street, and think "you fucking bastard, I bet you've never been to hospital in your life", likewise with drunkards. I really should be amongst them, not cooked up at home.
But today, it's a positive, and I needed to get that off my chest. I'm sure some of you won't approve of me drinking again (likewise those of you that won't approve of me gambling again, ah well, c'est la vie), but the fact I'm not scared to for now, is surely a good thing. Is it?
Harrogate Flower Show
As I mentioned
yesterday, today me and my mum went to the Harrogate Flower Show. I gave myself so much hope that there'd be a funfair, a decent beer tent with Sky Sports, or some other little gimmick to impress me. Unfortunately not, and I was bored out of my tits.
I was in a horrible mood today on the bus, moaning about everything. I think it's something about Yorkshire. A little bit of Sarah has rubbed off on me, calling it the "Wrong Side of the Pennines". The best thing about Yorkshire in my opinion is the fantastic transport links to (and especially from) football grounds. I saw three of them on my journey: Britannia Stadium of Stoke City*, Alfred McAlpine Stadium of Huddersfield Town and Elland Road of Leeds, and all without leaving a major motorway.
I suppose people would want to leave quickly.
So yeah, I was bored bollockless in the show. I think it says a lot about the age range of the people attending when under 25's get in for £5. I was by far the youngest person there. My mum, at 50, was the second youngest person. As such, I felt out of place amongst the blue rinsers. I took to amuse myself the only way I knew how, look up all the rude names for flowers. There were quite a few (and every one of these are genuine):-
Gay Parasol
Spunky Suprise
Gaybum Widespreader
Bell Straddler
Golden Shower
Woody Stroker
Puckered Star
Prickily Pleasurer (which is the plant to the right)
I'm not sure if you'll see them in a garden centre with those names, and I know nothing about plants, so I can't give you some hot tips or anything like that. All I can say is that if you're male, 18-31 and heterosexual, you'll probably not enjoy this place, as even the beer tent is a bit poo. Go to Alton Towers or something like that. That being said though, was a fun day spent with my mum, just me and her being silly, so I enjoyed that. There are a few more stories to tell, but that's for another time.
Tomorrow I'm heading to the Llandudno Show. Now this is a proper show, with funfairs and coconut shies and things like that. I know two things tomorrow. I will get a headache, and Llandudno Show will dick all over the Harrogate Show.
* I'm well aware Stoke is not in Yorkshire, but nevertheless, I saw it from the motorway.
Technorati Tags:bank holiday, harrogate, flowers
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Bank Holiday Weekend Plans
Something about a semi-redesign, you kind of redescover your love for blogging. After the brilliance/idiocy (who you speak to) of
liveblogging the poker event (
Ally, I was not mocking), you'd think I'd of had enough of blogging. Not so, I'm going to share to you what I plan to do this weekend. Which - involves - the
Harrogate Flower Show.
I'll be honest, mum caught me at my weakest time - at around 8:30 in the morning. She wanted to know if I'd of been interested in going to "The Harrogate Show" (I had to research that it was "The Flower Show", as opposed to just show, as the person she was going with had dropped out.
"Sure" I said "There's probably a funfair there, or something."
God bless my mum, she'd be brilliant in sales. Using words like "Fair" (which gives me the image of Alton Towers or something), and not using words like "Flowers" to describe the event, she sold me on the idea.
I have a scary feeling that tomorrow I'll be the youngest person there by about 20 years, but I've said I'll go. I enjoy road trips (I enjoyed every single excursion me and Sarah did with bowling, they were awesome), just for stopping at service stations and gambling. Nevertheless, I can see myself going into the beer tent, even though I'm not supposed to.
Hope that everybody has a good bank holiday weekend, and does whatever and whoever they want to.
Technorati Tags:harrogate, flowers, fair, ebay, bank holiday
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Pokerstars Freeplay Texas Hold-Em Poker Tournament LiveBlogging
I've decided, as I've completed all my jobs for today, I've decided to do a spot of Liveblogging. Liveblogging involves blogging about a current event as it happens, so check back throughout the day to see an update. The event is nothing hugely significant, but I'd thought it'd be fun. It's the
Pokerstars.com Daily Freeplay Texas Hold-em Poker Tournament, due to start at around 1:30pm GMT.
Now, at the moment, it is just me, but if you're bored, and want to enter this tournament (or will be anyway), let me know (either in the comments or by emailing me, and I'll track your progress on this site.
Hopefully we'll get a good bunch of us playing, though I can see it only just being me.
12:07pm - One and a half hours before the tournament's due to begin, and I've managed to rope Guy in to do this tourney too. His progress will also be followed. He thinks I'm too eager. I don't give ones.
12:19pm - We go international as Fern is joining. Also, Dan is a possibility.
12:21pm - Other housemate Tom has also joined, meaning there's 4 definites and 1 possibilities. Probably going to have trouble keeping up, but nevertheless, I'll do my best. Also, I feel that I need to beat Tom. Everybody else I really don't care about, but I feel that I can beat Tom. If I finish above him, I'll be happy.
12:35pm - Another possibility is Sibs. He'll see what he's upto but it's a possibility. Also stole some CSS from Fern so that I can display cards. Hence me testing it:
T♥ K♣
Lets see if it works...
12:47pm - Three more people have joined: Zandr, Dan's become a definite and Chris. Also got the card's to work, lets see if they work inline A♦ 6♠
12:52pm - Registration has opened, but Sibs has dropped out. Nevermind.
13:04pm - I hate to make predictions, but the wooden spoon will probably go to Zandr, who has "never played before".
13:28pm - Seats taken, here are the current tables for various people:-
Me (rhyswynne): Table 1
Zandr (Dr.Fitzivich): Table 114
Guy (gmcgechan): Table 37
Fern (neurofern): Table 164
Dan (thewatcherau): Table 131
13:31pm - Tom's already out. I win the moral victory. Decided "it would be fun" to go all in. Had 2 Kings, lost on Triple Aces. He's eliminated in 2122 place
13:36pm- A♥ A♣ for me, some idiot goes all in, folded. Would of lost to a flush. Left me pretty short stacked with 880 chips.
13:41pm - Zandr goes all in with a pair of 9's, loses to a pair of K's, he's eliminated in 1646th place.
13:46pm - Had a gutshot straight draw, but the bet was too high, so folded. Not looking good!
13:49pm- All in with Q♠ Q&hearts, up against 9♠ 9♦ and A&diams T♠. The queens hold out, up to a healthy stack of chips now.
13:56pm- Guy's getting annoyed, as he keeps folding hands he should bet on. Also Fern's moved to table 5.
13:59pm - Dan's gone out in 1155th place, after a couple of bad rounds. More on Fern's blog.
14:06pm- Win a nice 1000+ pot with two pairs: Kings and 7's. Almost in the 3000+ chips mark.
14:09pm- Into the top 1000 people left. There is an enormous sense of satisfaction, as I haven't been playing well recently. Most other people would think it's a bit odd, but nevermind.
14:10pm- First time I've been in a position to bully somebody out of a pot, and it worked! Another 600 odd chips puts me in 345th place.
14:15pm- Got 2 Pair: Aces and 5, wasn't paying attention, lose to a flush, down to about 2300 in chips.
14:18pm- Fern's gone out in 855th place.
14:30pm- Made the first break, woohoo! Never made it to the break before, so happy I have done now. Sitting in around 430th place, with 2270 chips. Recovered from that flush draw with a pair of aces, but still am a little bit lower than I'd like to be. Guy's still in too, with 1660 chips. Neither of us can see ourselves in this much longer.
14:37pm - First hand back after the break, I have Q♣ Q♥, lose to A♣ A♦. Down to 520 chips.
14:42pm- Went all in with a Q♠ J♦, against a J♣ T♦ off. They hold out. I double up to over 1265 in chips.
14:45pm - Both me and guy survive by the skin of our teeth. Went all in and split a straight on the river (A♥ 2♦ 5♠ 4♠ 3♦), Guy had A♦ 9♣ up against 8♥ 8♠. The flop was Q♦ J♦ Q&clubs Turn J&spades, 5&spades. Guy wins with higher kicker.
14:49pm - I go out in 514th place. Had an A♠ 6♠ up against Q♠ Q&clubs. Make a pair of 6's with a 6♣ but that's all. Guy's still in though.
14:52pm - Conversation sways from poker:-
ruffneck 59: kaseylou r u single
gmcgechan: ffs its online poker - not online dating
ruffneck 59: ok
ruffneck 59: r u single
gmcgechan: we all agree the picture with kaseylous profile is of an attractive lady
gmcgechan: but its not her
Poor ruffneck doesn't seem to know that nobody's what they seem on the internet. I'm really a 6ft busty blonde Swedish lady, but hide behind my 22 year old pudgy Welshman persona. I get more girls this way.
14:58pm- Guy goes out in 436th place, much to ruffneck 59's mocking. Loses to a two pair, Aces and 5's.
And thus concludes the live blogging of a poker tournament, and fuck me it's hard! I went back to clean most of it up after finishing the tournament (lucky I wrote down the major hands). If you should decide to participate in a spot of Liveblogging, do something which is a lot more sedatory, like baking a cake, or something.
Technorati Tags:poker, liveblogging
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Whoring Myself Out #1
Unfortunately, one thing about "relaxing" is that very little money is coming in. Sure, I could take up fishing or something, but a short term, possibly lucrative method to try and generate revenue is to sell stuff on eBay.
So, if you see anything you like on my bed (and yes, that is my bed, and a place in it is not for sale. My mum'd kill me), check out My Ebay. Not everything is on there yet, as it does take time, but they will be on by the end of the tomorrow, so there'll be more stuff on there. Not sure how many old school WWE viewers who lack a DVD Player read this blog, but by god, if you do. Bid. Bid High. Bid Often. Thank you.
You may also notice a slight change in the blog design. I've gone for 3 columns as opposed to 2. The reason being is that the right column was getting far too long. As such, I've moved all the advertising and google adsense bumpf to the left hand side. It's not that it's because the adverts are in a more prominant position. Oh no.
Ahem.
In any rate, I'd like to know what you think. I've broken the top rule of webdesign (design for 800x600, but nearly all my readers are 1024x768+), but apart from that, it's pretty much more of the same. Still, if you have any problems with it, let me know. Cheers.
Technorati Tags:ebay, adsense, google
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Poker, The View and Ebay
"Never make promises you can't keep" my mum told me. She's right too. Yesterday, after chav baiting,
I promised photos. Unfortunately, the photos are crap, and you can't see anything. So there won't be photos. Instead, I'll talk about what I've been doing in the last 24 hours.
Diddily squat.
It's great. I've done exactly what I'd say I'd do: nothing. I did go for a walk to the end of our road. I took a camera to a place which, appropriately, is called "The View": -
Hopefully you can see Peter why I love it here.
One thing I am doing quite a lot at the moment is playing Poker on Pokerstars. It keeps me occupied throughout the day (incidentally, should you wish to play me, my name is rhyswynne on there). I'm actually getting quite good, and whilst I've yet to win a tournament, I'm finishing 2nd or 3rd.
When I started playing, I was told to "Always fold 7-2 off". I always have, but I've stopped now. The reason? This.
Right, I'm spending the rest of today putting stuff on eBay. I've got a lot of stuff that needs selling. But before I go, anybody who uses Pokerstars, I need some help. For some reason some of the options (change image, dipslay hand history etc) are disabled. Anybody know why? Can I re-activate it?
Technorati Tags:poker, ebay, colwyn bay, photopost
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
The GATR Guide To Pissing Off Chavs
You need:
- One Supermarket with a sprinkling of chavs (may I reccommend Morrisons, in Colwyn Bay)
- One Trolly that you need token/£1 coin to use
- One Trolly Token (you can get these from most charity shops).
- One car (for quick getaway).
Method:
- Gain access to the trolly using token. If nessecary, shop.
- Wait with empty trolly by car for chav.
- Should Chav say "Ere la, wan't me to take your trolly back?", say yes.
- Follow behind in car, waiting for them to retrieve what they think is a pound coin to spend on alcohol/drugs/chips/sex.
- When they turn around and realise they've been outwitted (which is not hard), stick up the V's or take a photo with a camera phone.
- Drive off.
Pictures to follow.....
Technorati Tags: chavs, supermarkets, chav
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Unbreak My Heart
I suppose I'd better provide you an update with what's going on,
after last thursday (except
Ian, who I saw on the train, and talked about it with him for a good 45 minutes).
Even though I've been telling myself "it's nothing to be worried about", I am worried. My first plan of action was "just get back to work, no big deal". However, that kind of fell through when I started losing my sleep, and losing my appetite: the first thing to happen when I worry.
As such, I've spoken to work twice, both on the phone and in person. Basically, I just said that - even though I'm fine - it is playing on my mind and I'm not fit to work at the moment. Not a diagnosis by a registered doctor, I know, but that's how I feel. Work were fine, they said that should I return (which I expect would be in two weeks or so), they'd happily accommodate me once again.
I'll be honest, I don't want to name who I work for. I hear many people moan about temping agencies, how they screw you over again and again. They've not done anything of the sort. They seem genuinely concerned with my wellbeing (considering I've been a feature of the office for 6 months, they've gotten to know me). They have been brilliant, and I have made a few - hopefully genuine and lasting friendships.
Oh, and the second part of the plan? Think positive.
"Saint" George
Today is St. George's day - the patron saint of England. Now. You'd expect a barrage from me talking about how George was "never from England" and "not actually a saint" (both of which are true), but oh no. I'll hold back.
My rant is on holidays.
Now, there are a list of holidays which I generally recognise. These are proper times off, and thus recognise them. Mainly it's New Years, Christmas, Easter (or other religious equivalents) and all Bank Holidays. They're proper holidays.
The second tier of holidays are "commercial". These are days that have some event on them, which have been commercialized for card shops. This includes any day beginning with "Saint", Halloween and "Earth Day". Sure, whether or not I celebrate it depends on what day of the week they fall, and vary on a yearly basis.
Neither of these I really do mind though.
What I do mind is how certain people in certain industries cross over holiday boarders. I'm looking at you Mr. Kipling, and you Mr. Tesco.
Mr. Kipling, decided that we didn't like eating mince pies at one point in the year, oh no. They've come up with "Easter Mince Pies". They taste exactly the same, except they have a little pastry bunny rabbit on top, instead of a pastry holly leaf. They adorned the bargain bins in Tesco today, but with them were not Hot Cross Buns. Oh No. They were on the shelves, under a different name:
"St. Georges' Cakes"
The mind, it truly boggles.
Technorati Tags:easter, st georges day
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Happy Birthday Ma'am
Within the last week,
The Queen turned 80. I'm not much of a royalist, but don't swing much t'other way. I really couldn't give ones on what she does, but she seems to make people happy. So I'm not fussed.
In the UK, it seems to be that everybody's jumping on the queenie bandwagon and celebrating the birthday in their own special way. Who has the best celebration? Ironically, the shittest paper in the country. Who, in a shocking turn of events from their "We hate blacks, gays, asylum seekers, asbos and anybody that can affect our precious house prices" code of writing, reported on the incestious kinky sex games that the Royal family enjoyed.
There really wasn't much to do during the war, was there?
Technorati Tags:queen, birthday, daily mail
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?
"Oh fuck", I though, waking up yesterday morning. My heart was racing. It was hard to explain. I was out the night before, but this is bad. Real Bad. I woke up Mike, a nurse at the local hospital, and the only person who I trust with medical problems. It was half 6.
"Here", I said, "Feel this." I placed his hand on my chest.
"Fuck, that's not normal." Mike said, with his expert diagnosis. "Go and see a doctor.". He said.
I tried getting some sleep, but it wasn't happening. About 20 minutes later, Mike knocked on my door. He had a heart monitor, so I put it on, and it was all over the place. Usually between 120 and 180. I was a mess.
"Best go this morning, take the morning off.", said Mike, and as a throwaway comment said "I think you've got Premature atrial contraction", and left me to get checked up.
A 9am, I got checked up. I explain my heart racing and, even with that wierd phenomona, I was otherwise okay. The doctor sent me straight to the hospital, for a heart scan.
I was admitted to A & E, a very scary place. I sat down with a nurse who explained that they'll take my blood pressure, my heartbeat and a few blood tests. Another doctor would see me after the heart scan.
I sat down, waiting to be seen. I refused to lie down for the pure and simple reason that I felt okay. This is the most important thing of the story: except for my heart racing, I was actually okay.
Then the heart scan came, the first of the day. Then the docotr 20 minutes later spoke to me. He asked me a few questions, then said what he thought was wrong.
Premature atrial contraction.
He said it was quite common, and nothing to be too concerned with. He put me on a course of intro-venal drugs, and taken to a bed in A & E. Mike came in to check on me, and I demanded a pen and paper, "as I was going to blog this", which is what you're reading now.
Then, for 2-3 hours, nothing. Jeez, I became so restless, my heart calmed down a lot (my heart rate dropped to 90, though he said it's a little high, but that because I was in hospital). At around 3pm, a young nurse came in and said "do you want to go home?".
"Hell yeah, I'm feeling fine."
"Yeah, we're satisfied you've made a full recovery. We're going to call you in for a cardiogram though, in a couple of weeks, just to make 100% sure that there is nothing serious. But that's just standard procedure."
"Okay, yeah."
Was so nice being able to walk out of hospital. I did not like being in there at all. Even for 6 hours. I shared a room with one person who'd smoked all his life, and one person who needed dialysis. As far as a health scare goes, it was quite a mild one, but a scare nonetheless. I'm trying to turn the corner and get more exercise, as I couldn't bear doing nothing for 6 hours. I felt so useless.
But now, short term. I've taken today off to get better, and going home for the weekend for a quiet weekend with my mum and family. Just need looking after for a few days, as this has drained a lot of my confidence.
Though, before any of you get scared, I am feeling fine this morning. I did wake up at half 6 this morning too, but that was because I had 10 hours sleep.
Seal or No Seal?
One thing I remember like it was yesterday during the time in the
Zoo was the shows. I used to work in an ice cream enclosure, which overlooked both the bird shows and the sea lions show. If you get me drunk I'd probably recite the whole schpiel word for word. Some people can quote Shakespeare, some people can quote Marx, some people can quote Star Wars. I can quote the bird and sea lion show.
One thing that was explained every day during the summer is the difference between a seal and a sea lion. So, whilst watching "Deal or no Deal" a few weeks ago, I suddenly came up with a realization, that would put this knowledge to the test.
Click to Play "Seal Or No Seal"
I got a bit bored of it to the end, hence the rushed front page, but I'd like to know what you think about it. I've made better looking websites, for sure, but it still makes me chuckle.*
Relating to Deal or No Deal, the big thing that's taking off accroding to shite newspapers who steal Grand National wins is "Cosmic Ordering". It's a way of preparing your mind for success by writing down symbols and letters that mean a lot to you on parts of your body. Now, because TV Legend Noel Edmonds is doing it, other people in all walks of life are, such as ladies who want to pull, people going for job interviews and students wanting to pass exams.
It's nothing new. I mean, when I was a student, I used to write things on my hands to pass exams.
Except in my day, we called it cheating.
* Some people may rmember a similar post last week. Yes, this is the game I wanted to upload, but the server I did on first of all knackered pretty much immediately. Hence me moving it to Lycos. It's not the best server in the world, so please be patient with it. Thanks.
Technorati Tags:seal or no seal, web games, web, games, deal or no deal, cosmic ordering, noel edmonds
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
One Foot In The Bay
One reason I hate Broadway is it's overly strict, particularly with what you wear. No whitewashed jeans, no tracksuits and no trainers. Even though it's designed "to keep trouble away", it never does, as - suprise suprise - chavs can buy shirts.
The only people it really affects are people like me: home for a weekend on a night out. As such, my back-pain inducing bag is exceptionally heavy because I have a pair of shoes, which I think is rather unessecary to bring home. Only one place wants them: Broadway.
Needless to say, it's a pain, but I didn't really mind. I only have one pair of shoes, which is used for all purposes: work, posh dos, weddings and crap clubs with rubbish music all get the same "Burtons £20 jobby" shoes. Of course, weddings and posh dos get the polish treatment (that polish as in "pol-ish", not "pole-ish". I don't get someone like....Jerzy Dudek on my shoes or something). So if I need them, I bring them with me, but generally my trainers do.
Anyway, I took them back home for the weekend, wore them, and packed them away. I am a pretty rubbish - last minute packer, and I put off unpacking as long as possible.
Both these came back to bite me in the bum this morning.
My morning is a rush, and I hadn't unpacked. So I reached into my bag to grab my work clothes. Shirt? Check. Trousers? Check. Tie? Check. Shoe? Check. Other shoe?
Oh fuck.
Oh shittyshittyfuckfuck.
I am prone to shoe related accidents. People who knew me in year 9 will know the time when I came into school in odd shoes. Luckily, they were both black shoes, just different designs. This time, I can wear a black shoe and a white trainer. Not good.
Plan B managed to hatch itself: I have the same shoe size as Tom (which disproves the whole "Big Shoes..." theory, as my member is so much bigger than his), and he had a pair of shoes in his room, which he left over the holiday. A quick text to him, explaining the situation, (so therefore if he doesn't approve, it's not my fault. It's his fault for not waking up) and shoes on and into work.
Still, over the weekend I will have to look for shoes, and cheap ones. Can't afford £50-£60 on a pair of shoes, anywhere you know where you can get a pair of shoes for cheap? My other shoe is probably still at home, so it's a temporary pair.
In other news - Thanks for all your concern regarding my back. It seems to have subsised a lot overnight (I can still feel it, but the twitchiness has stopped, and it's not really hurting me). I'll give it a week or so. Nevertheless, thanks for all your concern, and Ally, I may get back to you regarding that place in Upton.
Technorati Tags:llandudno, broadway, back injuries, shoes
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
A Rhys is Blogging at the Speed of Sound
The easter weekend is supposed to be about "Resting and Reflecting", not me. Oh no. I've been going full tilt - I need to go back to work to get a break! I had an email last night though, first time I receieved advice about blogging. Their advice: stop blogging!
Well, not exactly. They were due back in work tomorrow, and didn't keep up with my website. So, I've decided to agree with his demands - I can't help it if people have better things to do than read my website - and this post is going to be a "rest and reflect" post, a look back over the blog posts of the last weekend.
Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men (Thursday, April 13th): I try and launch a web game, free webhosting with PHP says "No!". I need assistance.
Good Friday! (Friday, April 14th): Two days to go before I finish lent, and I have no urge to gamble.
Paradroidia (Saturday, April 15th): Me - "Play paradroid project, it rules!". Housemate Tom - "This game sucks donkey dick".
I Made It (Saturday, April 16th): I lasted 40 days, 40 nights and 51 minutes without gambling, and I've an oompah loompah to blame.
Trust me, this is not an attempt to fob you off with old content, as not a lot of people read the above posts (my stats were rock bottom for the weekend), and not because I can't think of anything interesting to say. Oh no. So, to appease those who have read those posts, here's a few snippets of information.
This link sparked discussion on the ten pin bowling messageboard. The query? Which gender has the most efficient form of masturbation, Men, or women? It wouldn't be hard to work out, as I managed a basic proof on the messageboard. However, I need to know the total internal resistance of a vibrartor. Anybody got that figure to hand? Or got a rabbit they don't mind me taking a hammer to?*
I think I've knackered my back in good and proper. Occasionally I do get lower back pain, but this is bad, as my left leg has become very twitchy. I don't want to go to the doctors just yet over it, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. Anybody had similar problems and what they did to fix it?
Finally, I've decided to do a caption competition. No reason, except to try and incourage interaction between this site and you, our 100 million viewers. Pictures if and when I can be arsed, and this is #1, taken from a story on UK Resistance about the new Lara Croft model, who - for resons unbeknowst to myself - is wearing a Geri Halliwell-esque top. What is she looking that that's causing her eyes to bulge out of her sockets?
Points will be deducted if you make references to genatalia. It's just too obvious.
* No. I'm not going to take a hammer to a real life rabbit. I'm talking about a dildo with the same name.
Technorati Tags:summary, lent, vibrators, back injuries, lara croft
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
I Made It
I completed my task for lent: 40 days and 40 nights without gambling any of my money, so that has made me proud. I was expecting to write a post that said "I've done 40 days, lets see how long I can last now."
Well, I know that. 51 minutes.
See, Broadway Boulevard is like Marmite: you either love it or hate it. I'll be honest, I hate the place. Once every six months is more than enough. The fact that the music is terrible, the fact that even the "cheesey" songs have a drum and bass line to it, the fact that - hell - Phil Collins' shite "Against All Odds" has a drum and bass line added to it, the fact that it's dropped it's prices to £5.50 (though, incidentally, a pint of Stella is £2.60, a whole 30p cheaper than my local), but the main fact is something which bothers me.
Despite claims that the Broadway Crowd is "Mental", it's actually rather shit.
Take Nuts a few weeks ago. They frequented Broadway to get ladies to take their clothes off. They get this one girl who looked a bit like Pete Burns, who had no concept with the process of "flirting".
Turns out, half the women in that nightclub also do.
I'll be honest, I'm a shite flirt. I'm shite at going upto people and just generally chatting. Sure, around people I know, I put in a innuendistic comment here and there, and people seem to genuinely respond. But there is no harm in it - as nobody would want to see me naked. Hell, I don't want to see me naked. It's not pretty.
Nevertheless, I was strutting my stuff on the dancefloor last night, where I had a tap on my shoulder.
I turned around. She was short, she was around sixteen, she looked like a fucking oompah loompah, she was that orange. First thought that crossed my mind was "fuck it, I'm going through a dry patch", though she did put my mind at rest.
"If you were thinking about coming up to me, you have no chance. You're an ugly cunt."
Christ, don't hold back love.
The cheeky fucking bitch. Here's this woman, who is orange, short, and has boobs smaller than the average mosquito bite, and she's calling me ugly? Christ on a bike man, that's just cruel! I know this seems like I'm trying to get sympathy (and in some ways I am, I'm fucking hungover), but is anybody that hidious looking that you go upto them, as a complete stranger, and tell them that even if they were the last human alive, you wouldn't shag them? It's just impolite.
I shouldn't of let it got to me, but it was 12:51am, on Easter Sunday, and I grabbed the only person available at the time who does gamble, and he watched me stick my money in the fruit machine.
I lost £3.
C'est la vie.
In other news, I'm having a bad case of hay fever. My dog licks me whenever I sneeze. I sneeze more after lickage. It's a vicious (and a rather snotty) circle.
Technorati Tags:llandudno, broadway, lent, gambling, nuts
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Paradroidia
One of my favourite games ever made is
Paradroid. In it, you play a robot sent in by humans to destroy rogue robots on a space station. The robot you start of with is very weak, and in order to win the game you have to either destroy the robots yourself (very difficult), or take over a stronger robot to destroy all the other robots with (easier, but still bloody hard).
It was one of the first games I ever own, and I loved it for no other reason that it was a fast loader, and was very engaging. I spent hours of my childhood playing this game, eventually destroying the ship. It was then I learnt the twist in the game: the ship was just one of an ever increasing in size fleet of 8 ships. These were the days before save games, and I gave up.
I still reminise though about this game, and there are a few remakes regarding this game. I did discover one that has become my favourite: The Paradroid Project.
It was the main story on remakes.org, as this remake - unlike a lot of others - sticks to the origional top down formula that made the first so well remembered. All they've changed is utilise two fire buttons instead of one, update of graphics and a high score table. Even with the increase in technology, there - thankfully - is still no save function.
The popularity of Paradroid is very strange: in the world of Commodore 64's million or so games released during it's lifespan, Paradroid is well remembered. Sure, it didn't set the world alight first time around, but it has done well recently. It was even included on the 30-in-1 C64 Joystick which is becoming more and more popular. So, if you're bored of seeing the family this easter weekend, I wholeheartedly reccommend you try The Paradroid Project. Go! Now! Let me know what you think, plus if you find any other remakes of old classic games that you like.
In other news: I am stupidly hungover. Had a hell of a lot to drink last night, and I've got an even bigger night planned tonight. As such, we've entered a "lets help Rhys recover from his hangover" period, which involves me just pondering around the house all day, doing medial tasks which include (but not limited to) the following:
- Blogging
- Playing retro remakes of Paradroid (see above)
- Playing Poker on Pokerstars. I'm trying to raise my chip count, like Fern. Unlike her, I'm failing. Miserably.
Also, before the trip to the Bengal Palace and Broadway, I plan on watching a good afternoon of football. It starts in an hour.
Technorati Tags:paradroid, commodore 64, retro, c64, llandudno, broadway
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Good Friday!
Two more days to go, before I finish lent.
38 days ago, I gave up gambling. By hook or crook, I've managed to get within sight of the finish line. Two days to go. See, I envisioned this post to be me struggling to survive without putting a bet on, or any money in a fruit machine.
This is not the case.
I honest to god think I've kicked the habit.
The first couple of nights out were tricky, but it got easier, easier and easier. Even in work, when the sweepstakes for the National came around, it felt like the easiest thing in the world to say: "Sorry, I don't Gamble.". So, whilst those around me fell (Guy shaved off his beard when it reached 'bumfluff' stage - after three fucking weeks. I grew more hair on my chin in 1 day).
However, the ironic thing is that, whilst I've given up gambling, my friends still do. Therefore, even though I haven't gambled, I haven't achieved my goal: spending less time around fruit machines. I'm still cooked around them, just watching my mates play.
Still, it's a start, and I suppose I have more money now than if I did gamble.
I'm back in Wales for easter, and - whilst feeling very lethargic (I haven't stopped for 2 weeks with work, hence the quality of the blog posts have been crap. Sorry), I'm happy to be here. Last night I had a few quiet pints with Sibz in our local (who have again put prices up! A pint of Stella is £2.90! A whole £1 more expensive than my local in Liverpool. Daylight fucking robbery. Anybody - to make me feel better - know of any pub with more expensive premium lager?), tonight I'm going out, and Saturday I'm heading to Broadway for a proper night out, the first since my birthday.
I'll probably get bored, and when I get bored in a nightclub, I usually gamble.
Am I allowed, at 12.01am, Easter Sunday?
Technorati Tags:easter, lent, gambling
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Best Laid Plans Of Mice and Men
For the past 3 weeks I've been making a little web game, which was launched last night. I went to bed happy: it was working, and was well recieved by
B3ta. However, disaster this morning. The server it was on messed up, and I was gameless.
Now, it's a web game, and needs both PHP and MySQL, both of which messed up on this server. Now, I didn't pay for this server, so it really wasn't unexpected, so I'm not miffed.
Nevertheless, in order to get my game online, I've created a list of ways of obtaining a MySQL Database, starting with the most wanted to do down to the least wanted to do.
- Anybody know some free webhosting that comes with MySQL and PHP?
- Anybody know a good cheap hosting with PHP/MySQL?
- Anybody got a spare PHP/MySQL database knocking around?
I don't mean to nag, but I've spent ages trying to get this online, and seems a shame to waste my hard work.
Thanks in advance.
Technorati Tags:php, mysql, webhosting
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Your Head A Splode
A few years ago, a friend of mine at the time asked me what I thought about
this story. "Being a fatso," he said to me, ever so kindly, "do you think you should be charged more to use the NHS?"
I had the best retort, and I said to him sternly: "Listen, I've never been to hospital, and haven't been to the doctors for seven years*. You've had two knee operations because you play football, which was paid for by the NHS. Why should I pay more? Surely you should?"
He shut up after that.
But yeah, I admit that - despite being on the portly side, I'm generally not too bad physically. I have a 45 minute, 5 times a week walk to (and in some cases from) work every morning which baffles pretty much everybody in work. It's not exactly hard. On top of that, I don't have any diseases or genetic conditions, and I do have almost perfect hearing and 20/20 vision, I'm in pretty good nick.
On surfing Fark.com this afternoon though, I found something that I've always considered normal to actually be a genetic condition.
I have Head Exploding Syndrome
Even though I should not trust Fark.com for medical advice, it seems pretty legit. Hell, it even has it's own Wikipedia article. However, it's not something cool, like a Mortal Kombat fatality, nor some weird name for an ejaculatory problem (if certain people say "yeah, it's an ejaculatory problem, too early for you Rhys!" they will be slapped)
You see, every night since I can remember I can remember I hear a loud explosion before falling asleep. I've always assumed it as one of those things, and never really talked about it. Turned out it's a condition though, and a syndrome at that. A syndrome! How cool is that?
Now, the only reason I am saying that is that because of "syndromes", I drew the longest of the long straws. There are no obvious effects with Exploding Head Syndrome, except than the loud gunshot explosion before falling asleep.
I could be making this up, as there's no way to prove that I have EHS, so you'll have to take my word for this. Anybody else got any syndromes with fancy names that are harmless?
* I have since been to the doctors, but that was for a check up, and they said I was fine.
Technorati Tags:exploding head syndrome, fark, mortal kombat, wikipedia, syndromes
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Ye of Little Faith
I know what you're all thinking.....
"You, Rhys, have given up gambling for lent. On Saturday was the biggest race of the year: The Grand National. Everybody gambles on it. I bet you stuck a few quid on, thus failing lent."
Wrong.
I did watch the race however, and had an interest: I used one of those free "no strings" bets, for a website called betandwin.com (not linked to for reasons that will become clear), from a major national newspaper (which won't be mentioned, as I don't want the entire of Liverpool hating me - rest assured my scouse brothers, I didn't purcahse the newspaper, I went through their website). £2 each way on 2 horses, makes up the £4 free bet.
It turned into a nice little weekend bonus: when my horse won, and another one of mine finished third. Betandwin.com - being a business - you'd think they'd hand over my "no strings" £20.25 winnings.
Not so.
You see, when I tried to withdraw said funds, they splurted back an "There's an error, the relevant team has been notified", which made me think that this website is the Myspace of gambling websites. Alas, no. I got an e-mail back today with a three side schpiel of their "Terms and Conditions", basically all the reasons why they can't give me money. I tell you, I work for an insurance company, and it's easier to get money out of them than get money out of this website.
I'm not too pissed. I haven't lost any money, and it's barely over £10. Nevertheless, it's very, very annoying and I remain in email contact (unfortunately, they are based in Austria, so any chance of firebombing their offices are out of the window, unless any Austrians read this blog. Anybody who fancies a flutter, don't bother with betandwin.com, instead try betandwinandwewillgiveyouthemoneyyouwon.com.
Now I know why I stopped in the fucking first place.
Technorati Tags:gambling, grand national, horses, lent
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Lies, Lies, All Lies!
"Lies!"
Tilesey exlcaimed in the last post, "You have been to a strip club.", refferring to a
statement made in my last post
He's right you know.
Why did I deny it? Well, I couldn't say that I have, what with mum reading this blog. I'm amazing son #1 in her eyes at the moment (she did love that post, though she was a bit miffed that all the comments were directed to how amazing I was, as opposed to how amazing she was), and I don't want her to think that I frequent those places.
Nevertheless, I was young, I was foolish, and Rick admitted to me he's been to one too.
September 11th 2004. You generally don't forget a date like that. I was about to start my third year in university, and was slowly developing friendships that will last a lifetime. It was at a pub that I talked to Guy:-
"I'm Virgo intact."
"Really?!"
"Really."
"So you've never seen a girl in the nude?"
"Yeah."
"At 20?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Naaaah."
"Yeah."
"Naaaah."
"Yeah."
"Naaaah."
Bless him, he ain't no Hitch, so he couldn't really do anything about me getting...errr...Hitched (though another one of my mates, with a comment of "Just snog him, please, to shut him up" to Sarah, could be described as a matchmaker. Though that's another story for another time), so a plan was baked.
It involved X in the City, some VIP passes, all the Lads in the bowling club, and about £50.
The first - and only - "Lads Night" was born.
You see, the year was so full of promise, my final year in university - and whilst it was the best - the night set out to prove it to be better. We started in X In The City where - despite the prescence of ladies jiggily bits - we took vantage by the fruit machine. We settled down with Fosters (the cheapest lager at £3 a pint), and pumped a few quid into the fruit machine. All the time, we were hounded by dancers, and Skinny (one of the group) headed off with one of the strippers for a private dance for 60 quid. 60 quid! Christ, there's only so much you can see. Eventually, my housemates persuaded me to have a dance ("We're the only reason we're here", they said. Thanks for that.). I got taken to a quiet corner by a girl calling herself "The Green Goddess". Because she was 'wearing' (in the loosest sense of the word) green, not because she was a fire engine, for adult entertainment. The boys saw me from a vantage point, and later said "you seemed to be enjoying it.".
Seemed maybe. But in truth I was scared to death.
You see, no part of the fine British education system can prepare you for that. Sure, we had sex education, but they got the video's mixed up, and all I learnt was to how to put on/in a tampon. Even if we did watch the right video, I can bet that whoever presented said "If you should ever visit a place which your mother doesn't want you to go, and have two bazongas stareing you in the face, this is how to act".
Ten minutes later, with a look of both absolute delight and absolute fear, I emerged, £10 worse off. I sat down, almost had a heart attack. It was there we noticed somebody.
"That Justin from Hollyoaks?"
Sure enough, it was the drug smoking, porn buying, teacher knobbing Justin. Surrounded by two girls, one of which being The Green Goddess. I felt cheated, and even less comfortable with my surroundings. It was then that Chris (the only one of the group married) made the startling observation.
"You're in a strip club. Women are walking around topless. And you're transfixed by a male character from a shite soap? I worry about you guys.
We left.
In other news: Ally has infected me with the indie virus. The indie virus works by each member of the chain infecting the blogs they like with the indie virus. However they must use the words the indie virus to infect, otherwise the indie virus doesn't work. Also, large blogs are immune to the indie virus, so it targets smaller bloggers, which are easily infected with the indie virus. Please pass the indie virus on. Go on, it's better than bird flu.
More information (plus a link to the fantastic technorati tag generator in the comments, spammed by yours truly) here.
Technorati Tags:strip clubs, the indie virus, technorati tag generator
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Dodgy Geographer
Things you don't expect on the walk to work on Wednesday Morning, by the Empire theatre in Liverpool.
Girl 1: "Hello, can I ask you for directions?"
Rhys: "Sure"
Girl 1: "Can you tell me where Victoria Street is?"
Rhys: "Ermm....not sure, think it's somewhere down there."
Girl 1: "Yeah, so we're going in the right direction."
Rhys: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Just out of interest, what building you going to? Know buildings better than street names."
Girl 2: "We're going for a job application at a strip club on Victoria Street."
Now. I've been around for 22 years, and have a GCSE in Business Studies, and I understand that you don't just need dancers to run a strip joint. One of them didn't look like much of a dancer too, and there's not a male lap in the world that could support her dancing on it. But still, they could of been strippers. Never seen one in the flesh before (if you know what I mean).
One question though, do I really look that seedy, that I'd know where a strip club is?
Technorati Tags: strip clubs
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
TV Times
Today was a much appreciated day off. Don't worry, I booked it. Good for us all: the company because they didn't have to deal with my insescent complaining, me because I'm getting paid to sit on my arse all day.
And this is where I realise, whilst watching Daytime TV with my dad, that all the programs fall into two categories.
"Antiques" and "House Prices".
That's all, between the hours of 9 and 5. Oh no, whilst normal people are at work, the schedule has a very limited market: old people and students (and presumably Antique Dealers and Estate Agents too). So it gives them what they want.
Don't believe me? Here's it between 11 and 1, on BBC One.
I can assure you in the above statement: "booty" means "treasure", not "bums". I was so dissappointed.
There we go, a whole morning of licence fee money, wasted. Wouldn't mind if they varied it a bit, but after the news and neighbours, it was another half hour of "Cash in the Attic", before the kiddies program started.
If this is what I've got to look forward to when I retire, then I'm shooting myself at 65. I wonder if TV would change by the time I hit 65? Would daytime TV contain Pimp My Zimmer and World's most amazing Death Defying stunts 284, or eBay Bargain Hunt*?
If the latter is the case, I'm retiring to spend my days playing golf. After all, it was almost Tit Monday today.
In other news: The biggest amount of traffic I get to this blog from google is from people searching for Rhys and Sarah, two characters from shite soap Hollyoaks. They're kind of seeing each other at the moment. Of course, anybody who reads this blog will know why they are finding this: some are innocent searches, some are not so innocent. Nevertheless, I watched it today, and, when Sarah's mum started hitting on poor Rhys, it confirmed one thing.
Every single character called Rhys on telly is an arsehole.
* Actually, that's not a bad idea.
Technorati Tags:tv, antiques, house prices, real estate, hollyoaks
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
Oh How We Laughed
Normal service is resumed on this site after yesterday's "incident".
Click here to read the "bulletin", if you missed it.
Was quite impressed how well it was recieved, with a certain one of my friends (mentioning no names, but linking to his myspace profile) being honest to god confused. He is one of the brightest people I know, and is doing a masters in Maths in Bath. He came online last night and said "Why do I go to the BBC website when I click your link?". I was a happy man.
One question a lot of people asked me (including my housemates) was how long it took me? Not that long, actually, around half hour or so. Made you all chuckle, and was well recieved. Even if Fern's post has the biggest blatant lie in the world on it.
Plus, '"He's sold out," said Sarah Waling, 23, ex-girlfriend of Rhys, blogger at "Confuzzlement of a Sazzle", and full on lezza.' is the best sentance ever written, in the world, ever.
In other news, it's my mum's *0th birthday today, and we're off to the Pen-Y-Bryn (where I had my "conference"). Not sure if I'll drink, but I may do. Think I may drink some bitter today. Something about having half a bitter in a pub on a sunday at the start of April seems so.....civilized.
Technorati Tags:mum, april fools
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
April Fools!
Hehe, hope you like it :)
Technorati Tags:blogs, april fools
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator
